How my Mother’s Sphinx keeps warm
Aziz Ansari is like the king of callouts.
So when we first started dating more than a decade ago, Sarah and I had to hand out Halloween candy at her boss’s house, and because her boss lived in a very fancy neighborhood, there were a lot of fancy Halloween costumes.
And one kid—maybe eight years old—came dressed as Napoleon. Little dude…
"What is history? History is women following behind… with a bucket."
I know, right?!? That time when I was 19 and that girl gave me five orgasms in the span of a couple hours I was so confused! I mean.. it felt real. All the signs were there, head rush, body tingles, loss of breath, warmth - so much warmth, exhaustion, elation..just, everything I had come to know an orgasm to be! When I finally came around after feeling like I blacked out, panic struck! I looked around, under the blankets, the pillows, the bed.. and to my confusion -no penis!
My friend asked me what I was looking for, “The Real Thing!!” I screamed! I was sure it had to be somewhere, surely I couldn’t have just experienced such pleasure with The Fake Thing(s).
I tore my room apart, searched every nook and cranny with no luck. But there was one place I hadn’t checked. I looked to my friend, she lay there on the bed, confused and pretty irritated if I’m being honest. Could it be?? Was she hiding it? I had to find out.
I embarked on my search with gusto. Thoroughly exploring any possible place The Real Thing could have gone. Much to my surprise, the harder I looked, the deeper I went the more she seemed to be enjoying herself! In fact, I dare say she had an orgasm or two herself.
Much later when I’d been pushed away and told “No more.” I collapsed on my bed in confusion. She hadn’t been hiding the thing. I stared at my hand and contemplated what had just happened. Could it be?? Could these fingers be The Real Thing? It didn’t make sense - they didn’t look like a penis! I couldn’t be sure, so I promised myself from that day forward I would devote myself to figuring out this great mystery.
It’s been some time since that fateful night, and I’ve yet to find the answers. I have however, found plenty of orgasms. I will continue to “settle” for the good of humanity and report back with any new findings.
Antony Gormley (b. 1950, UK) - #1: Angel Of The North, 1995-1998 Sculptures: Steel, Commissioned by Gateshead Metropolitan Borough Council, Gateshead, England #2: Critical Mass II, 1995 Sculptures: Cast Iron, 60 Life-Size Elements; Variable Sizes #3: Sound II, 1986 Sculptures: Lead, Fiberglass, Water; Permanent Installation Winchester Cathedral, Winchester, UK #4: Out Of The Dark, 1987-1988 Sculptures: Iron, Air Permanent Installation Martinsplatz, Kassel, Germany #5: Tree, 1984 Sculptures: Lead, Fiberglass, Plaster, Air #6: Song, 2008 Sculptures: Forged Ball Bearings #7: Drawn 2000-2007 Sculptures: Cast Iron, 8 Elements #8: Stand, 1997 Sculptures: Cast Iron, 9 Figures #9: Tree Without Arms, 1988 Sculptures: Oak #10: Lost Horizon I, 2008 Sculptures: Cast Iron, 32 Elements
Sapelo Island, Georgia — It’s a culture struggling to survive. Fewer than 50 people — all descendants of slaves — fear they may soon be taxed out of the property their families have owned since the days of slavery.
They are the Gullah-Geechee people of Sapelo Island off Georgia’s coast, near Savannah. This small, simple community is finding itself embroiled in a feud with local officials over a sudden, huge increase in property assessments that are raising property taxes as much as 600% for some.
Many say the increase could force them to sell their ancestral properties. “Sapelo being the only intact Gullah-Geechee community in the country that’s left, that is a part of history. It will be a shame not to preserve””That’s part of the American history. That’s part of what built this country,” said Charles Hall, 79, a retired U.S. Air Force colonel who was born under a midwife’s care in the same home he lives in today.
McIntosh County’s decision to reappraise homes on the island sparked the problem.
Chloë Grace Moretz playing ‘Girl or Goat’ on the Wendy Williams show.
The Water Cycle